Philadelphia- A love letter

Dear Philadelphia

When I wake up, roll over and see you every morning, I think, “Wow. I really love you.” A lot of people don't get it, especially those who know I'm coming from New York. You're an example of the old saying, you can't choose who you love. I know you're not good for me; folks from New York have told me I've changed. I'm harder, colder, meaner, an instigator. Not jaded but... you've killed that twinkle in my eye. It's been replaced by a smoldering flame that burns only for you.

This love is something that can't be explained. Can't be measured or quantified. What is it that makes so I keep coming back to your “philth”? Is it your lack of city planning? The people who wear plaid in a non ironic way? The overabundance of pitbulls? The numerous stray cats? The way you've held on to your poor white people? (New York no longer has any of those). The way shit shuts down on Sunday and then discovering those places that ARE open and feeling like you've stumbled upon a fairy circle? The number of true motorcycles that rove the streets (not those ridiculous Honda/Kawasaki/ninja racing bikes)? Maybe it has something to do with your unhealthy, inhuman, beyond reason obsession with Benjamin Franklin. I'm guessing it's a little (or a lot) of all of these things, but I can only guess. It still remains a mystery.

You push my buttons, Philly. If New York had a catch phrase it would be, “Go fuck yourself.” If you had a catch phrase it would be, “What're you gunna do about it?” That's a direct challenge. A confrontational approach to what could have otherwise been a simple exchange. That gets me going. I want a challenge. I want a fight. It's like that song by Metric, “Combat Baby”: none of them fight me like you do, Philly.

I've thought about leaving. Lots of times. I have a job offer from google at the moment that would take me to Michigan. There are some charter schools in Harlem that would hire me in a second. I can't bring myself to go, though. I'm too addicted to you. Besides, all my shit it here.

Yours, until I get my shit together,
You know who.

four-footed fashion

One reason I haven't written anything is a while is because nothing particularly interesting has happened to me in a while. Unlike some who find fascination in the realm of the mundane, I find I need to go out into the world to get my thoughts churning. This summer, however, has been horrifically wet, disallowing any real meandering through NYC on my part. One thing I have come to realize, however, thanks to the rain, is one of my favorite aspects of a rainy days in New York City.

Tiny dogs in tiny rain coats.

It's maybe one of the most ridiculous things I've ever seen, yet it's a sight that I've taken for granted for most of my life. It's just that the sight of a chihuahua (a breed of dog I've now started referring to as “hot wings with four legs and a tail”) in a yellow slicker is so absurdly common here that this fact alone makes me wonder if we've all (forgive the cliché) gone to the dogs. Do dogs that tiny really need to be walked outside, anyway? And what if it starts to really pour? They could be swept away by a stream into a sewer grate! O, the canine horror!

tick... tick... tick...

As I wrote in an earlier post, my grandfather passed away in January. I asked if I could keep some of his things as keepsakes, specifically his pocket watches. As a hobby, he had been fixing watches for over 60 years. He had amassed tons of watch pieces, among them several pocket watches. I had always loved sneaking peaks at them when I said I was actually taking a nap and had asked that he fix one and give it to me as a graduation gift.

I didn't get to pick out the watches because I went straight back to school after the funeral, then over spring break I was really sick, so my dad just took every pocket watch he could find and put them in a bag then put that bag in my closet. I just found it and went through all the pieces. They're freakin' gorgeous. Curious, I wound one of them. It still ticks. The hands don't move and it needs a new glass face, but it works. I'm sure there's a metaphor in there or something about how my grandfather is still with me, or that time runs out or something, but I'm still trying to work that out.

My goal is to get most of the watches in working order. I think I'll start with the one that still ticks since what needs fixing is just superficial. It's Swiss; that's probably why it still works.

F8

I don't use you. Ever. So how is it you've come loose? It makes no logical sense. I thought that if any key were to go rogue it would be one I use all the time, one that's gotten worn down. Maybe a vowel or the letter N. But no. It was you, F8, that came apart from my key board. I appreciate that you snapped back into place after some effort, but really, let's keep these shenanigans to a minimum. Okay?

Live Long and Prosper (you sexy, sexy Nerd!)

In case you haven’t figured it out yet, I’m a total nerd. Like, WAY big nerd. Maybe because of this, I often get really excited when people come out of their nerd closets or I learn they too are exceptionally huge nerds.

Recent nerd out of the closet: Karl Urban.

In interviews about his role as Dr. Lenard “Bones” McCoy in the new Star Trek movie, he repeatedly revealed that he is a total nerd. Karl Urban is a Treker. I know! I was surprised and exhilarated to learn this, too. The world could use another hot nerd.

Life After (stupid) People

There is a new show on The History Channel that I absolutely can't stand. It's called Life After People. It's based off of a two hour special that aired last year that was pretty successful. I have to admit, I watched the special and a couple of the show's episodes because I like the ideas it explores. The show seeks to investigate how long the remains of human civilization will last without humans to preserve them and how human-made landscapes with morph over time. It examines how and why structures and materials deteriorate and decay. As Spock would so aptly put it, “Fascinating.”

My beef is with the show's tone.

The music, shots, narrator and graphics are meant to portray a world without humans as creepy. It seeks to unsettle its viewers with the idea that the elements are really far more powerful than anything humans can create. Okay, maybe it's just me, but I think that portraying nature as invading and sinister is just plain wrong. Get over it folks; the Earth was here before Us and it will be here after Us. Perhaps the most horrifying example of this show trying to scare people was in a segment about Hashima, Japan, an abandoned mining city that stands of an example of “life after people.” The showed a shot of a rusted jungle gym with the distorted sound of children laughing, as if the very souls of the children who used to play there still haunt it, as if Mother Nature killed them. (Note: The mining company actually relocated all the residents of Hashima, so those kids all went on living somewhere else in Japan. In fact, they even had one of the former residents, who grew up in Hashima, on the show.)

There's also the fact that some of the stuff they talk about on the show is obvious. Just in case you didn't know, without people to replace light bulbs and run power grids, Times Square will be dark! (cue spooky radio frequency sounds).

This show has successfully shown that nature is out to get Us. It's just another great example of how people can take a great idea, chew it up, digest it, and crap it onto television.

(4 years x $80 K) + grossest garment ever= dangly strands

As I’m now a college graduate I’ve now got a wealth of prestige and resources at my hands, or so I’ve been told. Most magnanimous and prestigious of all these resources has got to be my cap tassel. Before you graduate from college, your tassel hangs to the right. After you graduate, you flip it to the left. After take it off your cap, it can hang anywhere! Right now mine is hanging from my closet door. This little set of silk strands has a infinite number of uses and is, without a doubt the most valuable result of my four years of blood sweat and tears, not to mention about 80k in tuition. Here are only a few uses:

1. Cat toy
2. Rearview mirror ornament
3. Harujuko hair decoration
4. Permanently attach it to a hat you will actually wear
5. Tie it to a ceiling fan chain
6. Hang it on your porch to tell which way the wind is blowing
7. Use it as a tail on a very small kite
8. Tie it to a key you need to quickly identify (hey, it worked until the 18th century)
9. Use it to identify a high ranking officer in a military you’ve created
10. Use it to tie back a curtain
11. Cross pollinate flowers

The possibilities are ENDLESS!