Mild Fuzz

This morning I popped open the grill and torched all my flash cards and notes from my G.R.E. review. It was SO satisfying to see the source of my summer’s frustration go up in flames. It brought back memories of my first academically destructive bon fire. Closely following were my memories of a bon fire that was put to a stop by the fuzz. Actually, it was more like ambitious campus security officers but for the sake of this story, it was the fuzz.
I and some friends had been destroying all evidence of the classes that had made our semesters a living hell with a cleansing fire in the long-jump pit behind our dorm. Out of nowhere, we were ambushed on both sides by two public safety vehicles. That meant that all two of the public safety officers on duty were on our butts. I think it was the shuttle bus driver who called us in. What a square! Anyway, one of them was so excited to bust us while the other thought we were hilarious. The one who wanted to bust us wanted all of our names, but I stepped forward and gave my name, explaining that the whole thing had been my idea (which it was) and that he didn’t need to know who anyone else was. It was kind of a Jedi moment; “You don’t need to know their names.” This made the guy really angry since he knew we weren’t afraid. He called in the situation in to H.Q. (i.e. the public safety office). The person who answers also thinks we’re hilarious and gives no validation to the dude who wants to bust us.
Long story short, in spite of the fact that I gave some lip to the public safety officer who wanted us reported (my argument was that the paper was “biodegradable” and, thus, not litter), we were doing nothing wrong as a) it was our own property being destroyed and, b) eagle scouts couldn’t have built and put out a fire any better if Smokey the Bear was guiding them every step of the way.
By keeping my cool, I managed to keep me and my friends from being reported to their respective deans and having our parents called. For once I was the hero and it was all thanks to the confidence granted by a controlled dose of pyromania. Jedi mind tricks helped, too.